The more venerable men's dress fashion writers advocate going to the dry cleaners as infrequently as possible. As in, never, unless your suit pants take on an odor. After my dry cleaners shrank several shirts, I started laundering them myself and only having them pressed at the cleaners (missing an hour of work costs more than not having to do an hour of ironing).
Well, that's not enough, apparently. My favorite Paul Fredrick Imperial 100s French blue dress shirt came back with a permanent stain on the front of the collar. From pressing. The cleaners did the same thing to my other two shirts in the same style. I do not understand. But I know that I am done, done, done with dry cleaners.
Thus, gentlemen, to clean a suit from head to toe, without any interference from the outside world:
1. Hang the jacket to air out.
2. Use a steamer to get the wrinkles out of the jacket (30 sec).
3. Hang the pants to air out.
4. Use a steamer to get the wrinkles out of the pants (30 sec).
5. Put the shirt in the washing machine in cold water.
6. Tumble dry the shirt.
7. Iron the shirt your bloody, bloody, bloody self (5 min).
8. Wash and dry your socks and underwear the same as the shirt.
At least this way, you own your stains.
Expect future updates about the bad-ass iron I plan to buy myself.